You’ve heard the stories time and time again. The bad boy attracts tons of women while the good guy stands alone in the corner. Then there’s the girl who has dozens of suitors despite her reputation for treating men badly. What is it about these types that we find so attractive? Even though we know that such people are wrong for us, we choose them anyway. Why?
The Pleasure Principle
Let’s admit it. There’s something dangerously sexy about being involved with a bad boy or bad girl. Perhaps it’s that rebel persona or the thrill of excitement that keeps us intrigued. The naughty ones are usually unpredictable and pose quite a challenge for those who seek their affections. But when it’s hot one minute and cold the next, why would you keep going back for more?
Oftentimes we end up with the wrong people because of our own issues. Self-worth and psychological patterns play a big role here.
Apparently there is some biochemical reason. According to psychiatric research, MRI scans show that the pleasure centers of our brains light up when we receive surprises. But interestingly those centers show even greater stimulation when those surprises are erratic and unpredictable. So it seems like we might just be wired to have a predisposition for the “baddies.” It’s the thrill of the chase and the excitement of never quite knowing what’s going to happen next. There is a pleasure payoff contained within the drama.
The Karma Connection
Aside from biochemistry and the brain, we often pick the wrong people for karmic reasons. Sometimes we are just compelled to choose a partner that’s wrong for us, even if we don’t really understand why. Yes they might be attractive, yes they might be intriguing, but deep down it’s likely that there is more to it.
On a soul level you and Mr. or Ms. Trouble may have decided to work out some karma. Before the two of you incarnated you may have set up an agreement to meet and play out your roles here on the earthly plane. One of you chose to be the difficult partner while the other chose the dutiful spouse role, for example. There could be tons of lessons learned from this liaison. Maybe it’s a question of role reversals in this lifetime. Or maybe you both need to experience a relationship that is challenging. Whatever it is, don’t discount karma when it comes to picking Mr. or Ms. Wrong.
The “Self” Factor
Oftentimes we end up with the wrong people because of our own issues. Self-worth and psychological patterns play a big role here. Sometimes we sabotage ourselves. Subconsciously we are attracted to someone who will devalue us and hurt our self-esteem. While unintentional, we end up seeking people who behave badly, treat us poorly, cheat or leave. Could it be that way deep down inside, we feel that we are unworthy? It’s definitely food for thought.
Then there is another “self” factor of behavioral patterns. Although our brain chemistry shows that we like unforeseeable, at the same time psychologists tell us that we are also attracted to familiar patterns. You’ve heard the old saying about marrying someone just like your mom or dad. We often do that because a person similar to our parents is familiar. Generally something familiar to you is considered safe.
But how could the wrong person be safe? Well, it doesn’t always make sense. On some level you may find the “wrong” person’s appearance or behavior to be familiar in some way. Could it be that Mr. or Ms. Wrong acts a lot like mom, dad or some other family member? We tend to repeat patterns from our childhood environments and formative years. Even though they may not be good for us, we find comfort in the familiarity.
So the next time you or someone you know is going after the bad boy or the wicked girl, think about the reasons behind the choice. It might be time to be a little choosier and move on.